895. The Slim Shady LP

The Slim Shady LP
Eminem
1999

Tracks
1. Public Service Announcement
2. My Name Is
3. Guilty Conscience
4. Brain Damage
5. Paul
6. If I Had
7. Bonnie & Clyde
8. Bitch
9. Role Model
10. Lounge
11. My Fault
12. Ken Kaniff
13. Cum On Everybody
14. Rock Bottom
15. Just Don't Give a Fuck
16. Soap
17. As The World Turns
18. I'm Shady
19. Bad Meets Evil
20. Still Don't Give a Fuck

I remember my mom outlawed Eminem in our house, which obviously didn't have much of an effect on me (when she forbid Desperate Housewives, that was when the lady didst protest). This was directed at my brother, but I am pretty sure it didn't affect him either. It's pretty silly when you think about it. I know she didn't expect my brother to insist on turning off Eminem music when his friends played it, crying "Mother says it's forbidden!" Personally, I think that would have been creepier than listening to Eminem.

Eminem is trying to be as misogynistic and shocking as possible. The best response to that is to not make eye contact and cross the street at the earliest opportunity. So I guess this album allowed dorky teenaged boys to feel like they are gangsters. I suppose my mom was attempting to will my brother into having better taste, but we all have terrible taste when we are teenagers (see above re: Desperate Housewives).

Anyway, this doesn't deserve a place on the List; there's nothing original about hating women and gay people. 

RATING: 0/5

677. AmeriKKKa's Most Wanted

AmeriKKKa's Most Wanted
Ice Cube
1990

Tracks
1. Better Off Dead
2. Nigga Ya Love To Hate
3. Amerikkka's Most Wanted
4. What They Hittin Foe
5. You Can't Fade Me
6. Once Upon A Time In The Projects
7. Turn Off The Radio
8. Endangered Species
9. Gangsta's Fairytale
10. I'm Only Out For One Thang
11. Get Off My Dick And Tell Yo Bitch To Come Here
12. Drive By
13. Rollin' Wit' Tha Lench Mob
14. Who's The Mack
15. It's A Man's Man's Man's World
16. Bomb

I am a bit behind in writing about these albums, even though I just finished listening to 679. This is because I am finding this recent trend of hip hop albums very taxing, with the constant barrage of misogyny, homophobia, and/or anti semitism. I have really tried to approach each album with understanding about where these artists are coming from, but it is wearing being degraded everyday, as any person in a marginalized community knows.

So yeah, I don't want to listen to an album where someone gleefully raps about kicking a pregnant woman. I thought it was disgusting. I think it is really sad and scary that this is celebrated or tolerated in any way. 

RATING: 0/5

597. Locust Abortion Technician

Locust Abortion Technician
Butthole Surfers
1987

Tracks
1. Sweat Loaf
2. Graveyard (1)
3. Graveyard (2)
4. Pittsburgh To Lebanon
5. Weber
6. Hay
7. Human Cannonball
8. USSA
9. O Men
10. Kuntz
11. Twenty Two Going On Twenty Three


When you lack the requisite talent to get noticed, you must resort to other devices. Which in this case involves shouting "Kuntz" over and over (because it sounds like...geddit?) and then not crediting the Thai artists you worked with. 

I guess these guys think they are really pushing the envelope because they string together a litany of all the bad words they learned at age twelve. I will give you an example of the brilliant subtlety at work here with one of the lyrics: "And if you see your mom this weekend, tell her SATAN! SATAN! SATAN!" And then "Twenty Two Going on Twenty Three" begins with a woman describing her bad dreams since she has been sexually assaulted. And ends with a creepy, helium induced baby voice. Clearly, a lot of drugs were involved in the making of this and I have no idea why us non-crazies have to endure it.

Well, every List needs a nadir, we've hit ours. If you were wondering what the Joker's favorite album is, it's this one.


RATING: 0/5

200. Fun House

Fun House
The Stooges
1970

Tracks
1. Down On The Street
2. Loose
3. T.V. Eye
4. Dirt
5. 1970
6. Fun House
7. L.A. Blues


200!  20% of the way there.


Any time I reach a milestone in the 1001 journeys, I usually write something cheesy-sounding about how much I have learned.  Yes, I felt like I have learned a lot with the album blog and I enjoy listening to the different albums.  But for some reason, my enthusiasm for this project is waning.  Maybe it is because no one reads this blog.  Maybe it is because Brie quit on me.  Maybe it because I am finding out my musical taste sucks and I will never be one of those cool intellectuals that can listen to Miles Davis without playing Freecell to distract myself from the boredom.  Or maybe it is because I don't feel at all qualified to write reviews on these albums so I feel like my writing is just plain sloppy.  Of course, I will continue to pursue this project because I don't like quitting things and I like listening to different kinds of music.


On that dark note, another shocker.  I hated this album.  I am not a punk rock or heavy metal fan. Actually, this guy I have a crush on (I have already been rejected by him) listens almost exclusively to heavy metal and I got to bring up Black Sabbath.  Fat lot of help that did to me.


Wow, why am I such a buzz kill today?  Anyway, if "T.V. Eye" is considered genius (Iggy just yelling nonsense), I am officially throwing in the towel and admitting defeat.  I mean, seriously, at that point, I am never going to understand music like I want to.

RATING: 0/5

194. Third

Third
Soft Machine
1970

Tracks
1. Facelift
2. Slightly All The Time
3. Moon In June
4. Out Bloody Rageous


Oh dear god make it stop.  I am actually getting a pounding headache from this album.  That is right folks.  The 1001 journey is a painful one.  I am about twenty five minutes into this album as I write this.  As I am a loyal follower of the Book, I will listen to the album through the end.  However, I can safely say I can give my opinion of it right now.


What would prompt anyone to make those noises?  This album isn't even fun in a "hey, you crazy kids" kind of way.  It is nauseating.  The band members pound on the piano and play unpleasant instruments that actually made me cringe.  Ugh.


RATING: 0 stars (I draw the line when it actually hurts to listen to the music)

177. Bitches Brew

Bitches Brew
Miles Davis
1970

Tracks
1. Pharaoh's Dance
2. Bitches Brew
3. Spanish Key
4. John McLaughlin
5. Miles Runs The Voodoo Down
6. Sanctuary


Real classy title, Davis.  It made me fall in love with this album from the start!!!


Seriously, though, this was torture.  The tracks are SO LONG!!  The first one is about twenty minutes and the next one is twenty seven minutes.  I don't know how long the others ones are because I haven't listened to them yet.  Don't worry, non existent readers who never comment >:<, I am finishing it right now but I just got so bored!!  First of all, I am not a jazz fan to begin with so I knew this would not be very pleasant.  Couple that with really repetitive tracks that all blur together and you know I am hooked.  Yikes.  Maybe I hated it even more because it is Wednesday.  I could never get the hang of Wednesdays.

RATING: 0/5

137. Trout Mask Replica

Trout Mask Replica
Captain Beefheart and His Magical Band
1969

Tracks

1. Frownland
2. The Dust Blows Forward 'n the Dust Blows Back
3. Dachau Blues
4. Ella Guru
5. Hair Pie: Bake 1
6. Moonlight on Vermont
7. Pachuco Cadaver
8. Bills Corpse
9. Sweet Sweet Bulbs
10. Neon Meate Dream of a Octafish
11. China Pig
12. My Human Gets Me Blues
13. Dali's Car
14. Hair Pie: Bake 2
15. Pena
16. Well
17. When Big Joan Sets Up
18. Fallin' Ditch
19. Sugar 'n Spikes
20. Ant Man Bee
21. Orange Claw Hammer
22. Wild Life
23. She's Too Much for My Mirror
24. Hobo Chang Ba
25. The Blimp (mousetrapreplica)
26. Steal Softly thru Snow
27. Old Fart at Play
28. Veteran's Day Poppy


Amanda: I could, of course, attempt to convey in the following post the extent of my hatred for this album.  I feel, however, that this would not do the hate justice.  Another option would be to direct you to a link so you could hear exactly how god awful this album was.  I am ruling that out too because what few readers we have are very precious to me.  So, I am just deciding to give my rating and hope you take my word for it.


RATING: 0/5

135. We Are Only In It For The Money

We Are Only In It For The Money
Mother of Invention
1968

1. Are You Hung Up?

2. Who Needs the Peace Corps? 

3. Concentration Moon

4. Mom & Dad

5. Bow Tie Daddy

6. Harry, You're a Beast

7. What's the Ugliest Part of Your Body?  

8. Absolutely Free

9. Flower Punk

10. Hot Poop

11. Nasal Retentive Calliope Music

12.Let's Make the Water Turn Black

13. The Idiot Bastard Son

14. Lonely Little Girl

15. Take Your Clothes Off When You Dance

16. What's the Ugliest Part of Your Body? (Reprise)

17. Mother People

18.The Chrome Plated Megaphone of Destiny

Amanda: I am going to try to communicate in calm terms why I hate this album so much, though I cannot promise you that I will succeed.  First of all, what is blogger doing?  Why is the text showing up like this??? F*CK!!!!!  Anyway, this isn't music.  This is a bunch of self indulgent sounds that mean nothing.  Besides, Frank Zappa likes himself too much for anyone else to go to the trouble. HATED IT!

RATING: 0/5

114. The Songs of Leonard Cohen

The Songs of Leonard Cohen
Leonard Cohen
1968

Tracks
1. Suzanne
2. Master Song
3. Winter Lady
4. Stranger Song
5. Sisters Of Mercy
6. So Long Marianne
7. Hey That's No Way To Say Goodbye
8. Stories Of The Street
9. Teachers
10. One Of Us Cannot Be Wrong


Amanda: My grandfather died last night.  I figured music would make me feel better.  This album was uber depressing though so the whole plan kind of backfired.


Leonard Cohen (aka Dustin Hoffman) has a nice voice and sings optimistic lyrics.  However, today is an awful day for me to judge music.  It sucked because everything kind of sucks right now.  Maybe I will come back to this later...


RATING: 0/5

104. White Light/White Heat

White Light/White Heat
Velvet Underground
1967

Tracks
1. White Light White Heat
2. Gift
3. Lady Godiva's Operation
4. Here She Comes Now
5. I Heard Her Call My Name
6. Sister Ray


Amanda: This is one of those albums that pretentious people will call "pure genius".  They will tell us (smugly of course) that it is the Velvet Underground's stance against commercialism and that it is pure art.  In reality, this album is awful.


Awhile back, we called the last track of Da Capo self indulgent because it was overly long and insignificant.  Picture an entire album of "Revelation" and you have nailed this one.  Now, I liked The Velvet Underground with Nico but without her, they are nothing.  The second track consists entirely of a spoken, boring story.  If you really listen to the lyrics, you will understand how completely pedestrian and orthodox their views on drugs and sex were in 1960s.  At least be a horrible album that is original, please!


RATING: zero

17. Jack Takes the Floor

Jack Takes the Floor
Ramblin' Jack
1958

Amanda: Holy shit, that was just awful.

We are talking yodeling, crooning, and songs about bed bugs.  Add that to the fact that I am not a country fan (I couldn't even watch The Last Picture Show without feeling upset) and you have my least favorite album so far.  Any album that has the lyrics "bed bugs as big as a jackass will come out and bite you with a grin on the face" is not for me.  Thankfully, I could not relate to the songs at all and I found them incredibly obnoxious.

That was just horrible.

RATING: no album units!

Brie: I knew Amanda would hate this! :) Jack Elliott influenced so many people! Including Bob Dylan, Paul McCartney, Mick Jagger, and Keith Richards These songs are pure iconic folk songs. When he was playing Greenwich Village coffeehouses in the sixties he was known as the "Son of Woody". Woody, of course, being Woody Guthrie. And Bob Dylan was known as the "Son of Jack". I found it very difficult to find music by Ramblin' Jack, which disappoints me very much, as this could be described as one of the most important albums of all time. I was particularly happy to listen to Jack's version of "Dink's Song", although no one does it better than Dave Van Ronk!

RATING: