574. Slippery When Wet

Slippery When Wet
Bon Jovi
1986

Tracks
1. Let It Rock
2. You Give Love A Bad Name
3. Livin On A Prayer
4. Social Disease
5. Wanted Dead Or Alive
6. Raise Your Hands
7. Without Love
8. I'd Die For You
9. Never Say Goodbye
10. Wild In The Streets

I have read some scathing reviews about this album, decrying Bon Jovi and declaring that it is music for the lowest common denominator. As the lowest common denominator, I fully expected to love this album. And I was a little disappointed.

I was recently at a bowling party for a friend that was celebrating his 24th birthday and, incidentally, was a total sausage fest. As I stood paralyzed by social anxiety in the corner, as per yoozh, I observed that every time somebody reached a score of 69, the subsequent announcement caused a stir in the crowd. All of the men in the area were delighted, either with joy or amusement, I'm not sure (those emotions are so foreign to me in a party setting that I have difficulty identifying them). I bring this up because Jon Bon Jovi was 24 when he made this album and um, this is the mindset we are dealing with.

The name of the album was inspired by a stripper the band saw, and "Social Disease" starts with pornographic sounds for seemingly no reason at all. I actually liked a couple songs, or at least, parts of songs, and "Livin' On a Prayer" is damn catchy. But I don't think Jon Bon Jovi has tapped into anything really special here, and his best moments are when he is imitating the Boss. 

In other words, he just didn't get deep enough. Note, if you thought "that's what she said," this album might be for you.

RATING: 3/5

573. Peace Sells... But Who's Buying

Peace Sells...But Who's Buying
Megadeth
1986

Tracks
1. Wake Up Dead
2. The Conjuring
3. Peace Sells
4. Devil's Island
5. Good Mourning / Black Friday
6. Bad Omen
7. I Ain't Superstitious
8. My Last Words

Oy, more metal. As heavy metal albums show up on this list with alarming frequency, it might be fun to turn it into some kind of drinking game. But that would no doubt kill me, and I really want to live long enough to hear Taylor Swift's next album. So we must soldier on, soberly and stoically.

So this was...another metal album. It is certainly not the worst I have ever heard and at least the songs were shorter, so you know Megadeth is less self indulgent than most. Still, not my favorite genre. I can Black Sabbath and maybe some Iron Maiden. And that's it.

Next up, Bon Jovi!

RATING: 2/5

572. The Colour of Spring

The Colour of Spring
Talk Talk
1986

Tracks
1. Happiness Is Easy
2. I Don't Believe In You
3. Life's What You Make It
4. April 5th
5. Living In Another World
6. Give It Up
7. Chameleon Day
8. Time It's Time

Based on my skewed perception from the List, it seems like 1986 was mostly made up of heavy metal albums and synthpop. This is a little different, and while it didn't leave a lasting impression, it was still a welcome shake up.

There were some odd choices in this album, like when a children's chorus starts singing. I don't have kids, and therefore associate children singing strictly with horror movies, so I was fairly creeped out by this. Maybe it was supposed to be cute, who knows.

And up next, even more metal. 

RATING: 3/5

571. Talking With the Taxman About Poetry

Talking With the Taxman About Poetry
Billy Bragg
1986

Tracks
1. Greetings To The New Brunette
2. Train Train
3. Marriage
4. Ideology
5. Levi Stubbs' Tears
6. Honey I'm A Big Boy Now
7. There Is Power In A Union
8. Help Save The Youth Of America
9. Wishing The Days Away
10. Passion
11. Warmest Room
12. Home Front

So we already know this man is insufferable based on the name of the album. But as usual, I put my preconceived notions aside and embraced this album with open ears. Or something like that.

I'm not a fan of political songs when they are so heavy-handed. I prefer something much more subtle (and much more moving) like Suzanne Vega's "The Queen and the Soldier." Otherwise, I just feel like I'm being spoon fed propaganda and the music is just a diversion (and not a very good one).

We have some albums on the horizon that look promising, so let's not lose hope. 

RATING: 2/5

570. Last of the True Believers

Last of the True Believers
Nanci Griffith
1986

Tracks
1. Last of the True Believers
2. Love at the Five and Dime
3. St. Olav's Gate
4. More Than a Whisper
5. Banks of the Pontchartrain
6. Looking for the Time (Workin' Girl)
7. Goin' Gone
8. One of These Days
9. Love's Found a Shoulder
10. Fly by Night
11. Wing and the Wheel


I have a journal that offers a writing prompt for every day of the year. Yesterday's entry started with the quote "writing about music is like dancing about architecture." I wholeheartedly agree. Now back to my interpretative dance.

I think country is the most reviled music genre, based on my own data, which is pooled from men's online dating profiles. But I like country when it is heavily mixed with folk, which is exactly what this album is. Nanci Griffith has a very strong Suzanne Vega vibe, and I was digging it.

She has.a very soothing voice. Since "soothing" isn't the adjective I would use to describe most entries on this List, I plan on rewarding her handsomely.

RATING: 4/5

569. Infected

Infected
The The
1986

Tracks
1. Infected
2. Out Of The Blue (Into The Fire)
3. Heartland
4. Angels Of Deception
5. Sweet Bird Of Truth
6. Slow Train To Dawn
7. Twilight Of A Champion
8. Mercy Beat

I find the name of this group to be embarrassing, like it was the exasperated idea for a band name after a night of heavy drug use. The ambiguous monster on the album cover points to the problem with this album. They were very angry at something; I am not really sure about what.

Possibly I am not well acquainted enough with the political climate of 1986 that this album was hellbent on commentating on, so it's not really the band's fault. On the other hand, I didn't find any of the songs compelling, which is definitely the band's fault (I'm an easy audience, I swear!).

Ugh, is this the last The The album on this List? Grammatically, that last sentence rubs me the wrong way and it's coloring my judgment.

RATING: 2/5

568. Master of Puppets

Master of Puppets
Metallica
1986

Tracks
1. Battery
2. Master Of Puppets
3. The Thing That Should Not Be
4. Welcome Home (Sanitarium)
5. Disposable Heroes
6. Leper Messiah
7. Orion
8. Damage Inc.

There are way too many heavy metal albums on this List. This genre has such a rigid style, that if you don't like heavy metal to begin with, you're just not going to enjoy any of these albums. Whereas, if you weren't a pop fan, I feel like the genre has a wide enough range that you could probably still identify and enjoy a few pop albums, even if you vehemently deny it to your head-banging friends. My theory as to why the List is so heavily saturated with this genre (which certainly doesn't possess mass appeal) is that the quality of metal is fairly consistent throughout the years (which is definitely not the case with other genres), so it is easy to find a decent metal album to fill in some of these musically-desolate years, like 1986. 

Which is my long winded way of saying: I hate Metallica.

Boring, repetitive, and worst of all, you can tell they take themselves much too seriously. I think they just got famous because they came up with a cool band name.  Unfortunately, this is the first of many Metallica albums on this List. 


RATING: 2/5